Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight”. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
“Sin must no longer rule in your mortal bodies, so that you obey the desires of your natural self. Nor must you surrender any part of yourselves to sin to be used for wicked purposes. Instead, give yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and surrender your whole being to Him to be used for righteous purposes.” (Romans 6: 12-13)
“I do not understand what I do; for I don’t do what I like to do, but instead I do what I hate. Since what I do is what I don’t want to do, this shows that I agree that the law is right. So I am not really the one who does this thing; rather it is the sin that lives in me.” (Romans 7:18)
On my journey I began, crossing the border of Mexico and crossing into a new season of my life. The reunion with my teamates was a reassurance that I am in the right place at the right time. We had the nigth to enjoy eachother’s company and to remenicse on our overwhelming joy of being given the opportunity to serve God as missionaries. A little bit about the camp: very peaceful, it is around a lot of muddy farms (and when I say muddy; understatement of the century!), running water, dorm style living, beds, electricity, somewhat normal food (except I did have to eat cooked pigskins) we are living IN LUXURY!!! The morning after arrival we were given our assignment: SOLITUDE. The first rule of solitude is NO HUMAN CONTACT. We were given very little instuction but what we were told is that this is time to be with the Lord. Oh yes, and the detail that this solitude was to take place over the next 4 DAYS!!! The first 24 hours were so difficult; having people around you but not being able to communicate with them and focusing completely on God without getting distracted with boredom. However I found a sense of peace in quiet and I discovered a new thirst for pleasing the Lord and learning why we should be good and how we can be good even though we are already saved by Christ’s blood. I spent my time prayer walking, worshipping with my ipod music, reading Romans and journeling. We came out of solitude a day early but the fruits of this spiritual reflection were nothing short of amazing. I am going to try and make this as exciting as possible so here are just a few words of my 39 pages of journeling:
There is great joy that cannot be explained or understood if not given by faith . . .
I am absolutely content with where I am. It is such a feeling like I was put here; right at this exact place at this exact moment for reasons beyond my understanding. To find rest and peace in the Lord is to feel at ease knowing that all the weight carried on my shoulders is being lifted; every wound is being healed . . . In obedience I stumbled into this moment [when I hear] “with you I am pleased.” For nothing can break me from the One who gives me this warm joy and this sense of purpose. For in this moment I am certain that what will become of me is nothing in the way of ceasing to exist.
(this final prayer is a very personal one but I feel compelled to share the depth that God reached my heart and I understand that in some places it may be hard to understand but I tried to make it make sense the best I could. I pray that this prayer speaks to you.)
Lord God Almighty, I humbly admit that on my own I am too weak to overcome my human nature. As your word clearly states, “For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of sin at work within me” (Romans 7:18). God what I do [the sins that I commit], I realize is not me but my sinful nature. Rid me of this burden Lord. For it is not how I am defined. Who I am is the delight [in God’s law] and the overwhelming desire to please you and do good in your Name. In my deepest heart of hearts I seek not only to bring out that goodness that your Spirit brings but I also seek to know and follow you with all of my strength and with all of my being. Help lead me God and train me to walk in your ways. God never again do I want to return to the sins that your Son has made dead. I LOVE YOU GOD!!! Nothing more do I love than being in your presence and feeling you calm the storms inside me. Lord, I long even in the days outside of solitude to feel the need only for your presence. All I need and all I want Lord, is you. You alone free me from my shame and love me more than any love I could ever even try to feel. For you alone I live. In all temptations I face and in every moment of fear and false passion may I always remember that the only thing that can fill me is your everlasting love. You alone see me for who I really am and love me all the more for it.
