On this journey I set out to change the world, when really God’s plan all along was to change mine. I have been on this roller coaster adventure of self discovery. And in this self discovery, I have discovered that, indeed, this journey is not my own. I was listening to Jon Foreman’s song Learning to Die and in the chorus he sings “All along thought I was learning how to take, how to bend, not how to break, how to laugh not how to cry, but really I’ve been learning how to die”. There are not too many other ways that I can describe the changes in me except to say that I have found freedom through dying to myself. Luke says that to follow Christ we must deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23). With that comes the surrender of self in expectations and in the concept that everything that happens is for the purpose of benefiting our own lives. With the denial of self comes the humility of Christ. Paul tells us in Philippians that “in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you in the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). A common theme on this discovery of self has been humility, it has been the constant reminder that the world does not revolve around me and everything that I do is not for the purpose of fulfilling my expectations or earning “good Christian points”. The truth is, that there is no deed great enough for me to prove myself worthy of the calling that I live by but it is in Christ’s love and grace for me that I have my identity and it is this grace that leads me to act on the injustices of this world. I have come to the realization that it is not by my own efforts that I live this life of purpose and truth; it is by God’s grace that gives me strength in my inner self. Humility is, I think, the hardest lesson for us to learn because our pride is so quick to defend ourselves and to bring a good and honorable mention to our names. We often even deny the wisdom of the Lord for fear that we might not be the greatest; for fear that this life is not all about us. But the truth is this life is not ours and in reality, there is great freedom in that humility.
P.S. I am still needing financial support for this trip so if you could please be praying and if possible if you are able to help it would be such a blessing to me just click on support me on the left at the top of the page. Thanks and many blessings!
Good processing Tara. There’s very few paths to humility, but brokenness is one of them – and I hear brokenness in your post here. It’s good, but I’m sorry it’s hard.
I love this processing, Tara. Everything has to die before it can be fully alive–this death will lead to life for you!
I love you Tara
His power is seen in your humility to “know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day”. (2 Tim. 1:12)I’ve thought much lately about “will He find faith…when He returns?”. I believe that this is faith that He IS God. You have written a precious testimony of that faith. Love you, Sheridan